I was not designed to be alone!
so, do I manufacture cancer to do the job for me,
like some sick cosmic joke?
Manufacturing the thing I fear,
creating the environment for it to flourish?
The feelings are eating me from the inside out,
especially after a bunch of days with my head in a bucket
Not even water will serve to calm or sustain,
all is rejected.
Body pain so bad I can't stand up.
tick tock. Many days in a row,
There they go.
Watching this happy, hippy, U-tube chick
tout the values of being alone today.
I could not feel any more opposite.
I have never gone to the movies alone,
or to dinner,
or lunch.
Nor have I sat in a library,
or ate at a counter.
I would never go to the woods alone
for any reason
Alone is a penance to pay
I think
until you give up
and can be alone
and be ok about it
with your last breath
finally.
